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Is it really golden?
because i can tell you that at this moment, silence isnapos;t present.
not literally.
the tv is on.
itapos;s not quiet.. Not by any means.
i actually have it on quite loud, yet it is so quiet.
there is no one here.
itapos;s just me, doctor mcdreamy, izzie and meredith grey.
and while i really should be enjoying this, (hello, iapos;m an 18 year old female), iapos;m not.
at all.
sometimes, i hate being alone.
my mind is so overwhelming.
i canapos;t stop the little thoughts that occur at any moment of the day.
i canapos;t stop myself from making little scenarios in my head about things beyond my control.
i canapos;t do anything to keep myself from going crazy, right here, right now.
and right now? yeah. Itapos;s one of those moments.
my mind is going off the walls.
there are so many thoughts just bouncing around aimlessly in the void that is my brain.
and i canapos;t take it anymore.
i need something to take my mind off of this pain.
yes. I said it. I called it pain.
and it is.
i am over-dramatic.
i will admit it.
iapos;m complicated.
i was told so to my face.
and i know it is true.
as much as i want to change it, i canapos;t.
i canapos;t change who i am. I canapos;t become something iapos;m not. I canapos;t uncomplicate something that was born complicated.
and yes, i possibly just made up a word. But technically, i only added a prefix to a preexisting word, so iapos;m going to allow it.
because iapos;ve taken the time to explain this, iapos;m going to take the time to throw in that this is indeed all because of a boy.
which is totally lame.
and totally ridiculous.
i know it is.
i should be letting myself get this way about a boy.
one who doesnapos;t even care about me, by the way.
and i donapos;t think he ever will.
but because disney ruined my heart, you know, by making me believe that yes, fairy tales can come true, i canapos;t give up hope.
maybe iapos;m not supposed to.
what if there is some reason that iapos;m not supposed to give up hope.
see? there i go again
and now, iapos;m doing one thing i hate doing.. Rambling.
iapos;m going on and on about this crap, all because there is NO�ONE around.
i think that i was made to never be left alone.
becuase, as much as i love it sometimes, iapos;m pretty sure one of these days, my own thoughts will cause me to explode.
literally, figuritively, something.
i donapos;t know.
itapos;s ridiculous.
and no one is reading this anyway, so it doesnapos;t even matter.
iapos;m still alone.

run the moon,
bella
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